Inglourious Basterds

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

One of my mates was kind enough to take me to gold class, no it wasn't a man date faggots, to go see Quentin Tarantino's new film and let me first just say that i like Tarantino's work anyway Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds. same of you may have seen the posters around of a bunch of dudes holding guns with Nazis in the background, well quick frankly it should of been a bunch of Nazis with some dudes standing in the back ground you hardly see the main protagonists in the film i personally think he should of called it "French chick kills Hitler with some Americans scalping Nazis". this film was shit. i almost feel asleep with boredom watching this. the main setting is Nazi occupied France where in an alternate history takes place where Hitler is killed by some jews in a fire.

SPOILER ALERT - if u dont like spoilers put ur head in a bucket and run at cars

it starts off like most Tarantino's films with the chapter heading scenes IE like in kill bill - part what ever chapter what ever. you are introduced to some random farmer and his daughters which i find strangely unattractive who are confronted by a very eccentric SS solider - Col. Hans Landa, "the jew hunter" who smiles alot for a harbinger of death.... anyway they start chatting about some random shit that has nothing to do with the story in FRENCH (thats right subtitles fuck sake i want to go to a movie and listen not fucking read) then Col. Hans Landa asks if he can talk to the farmer in English because his french is not that good (bullshit). then the "real" reason y he is here comes out DRUM ROLL................ hes looking for jews and some how he knows that the farmer is hiding them even thought the previous nazi officer checked off this particular family for not hiding anyone. so it turns out he is hinding jews under his floor board and they get killed surprise surprise fucking jews..... all but one (Shosanna) she somehow evades all these bullets and runs away i might add that she looks about 12 at this point more on this later

CHAPTER 2 (this being about 30 mins into the film) we are introduced to the Inglourious Basterds who are a bunch of Jews from across the globe wanting revenge on Nazis. who wouldn't. Brad Pitt chats on about some random shit saying he wants scalps..... only Indians did this another thing stolen by Americans from the Indians.... and thats basiclly it oh and i think there is a part where u see them scalping nazis and then branding one with the Swastika which was actully pretty cool but this doesnt differ from the fact that the film was still shit.

.... CHAPTER 3.... the girl who got away has grown up zomg and now lives some where in France and owns a cinema Three years after she evaded our dear Col. and has assumed the identity of "Emmanuelle Mimieux." How she manages to do so is not revealed and has magicly aged about 15 FUCKING YEARS... really she looks like shes in her late 20s. one night she is confronted by a youngish germen solider who was a star of a war film based on his heroic tale where he held of an American assault for weeks BY HIM SELF. they go on chatting abuot nothing. a couple of days later Shosanna gets asked to have lunch with this germen war hero (liar) so he can introduce her to the director of the film so he can then convince the director to premier his movie at Shosanna's cinema which he finally agrees to , basicly this part is all talk no action actully the movie has little action in it at all its more a kevin smith and Quentin Tarantino love child that contracted some sort of mental disease and needed to be put down at birth but wasn't....... personally i think Shosanna is the real hero of the film, shes the one who comes up with the plot to KILL EVERYONE, not the americans well they did end up killing hitter and some director but hay they would of died anyway.

....... CHAPTER 4 sigh....... now i acctully like this part. we are introduced by Mike Myers to a British film critic turned spy (Lt. Archie Hicox) who has been in trusted to meet with his counter part, a German double agent actress named Bridget von Hammersmark (who has a very nice rack), in France to discuses operation kino, he then travails to france, meets the Basterds and sets up a meeting with Bridget von Hammersmark in a basement bar.... only in france fucking french. Unbeknown to her, however, the night of the rendezvous is also the occasion of a German staff sergeant celebrating the birth of his son who has a very american accent along with the other soliders he is accompany by hmmm. Some of the Germans notice that Hicox's accent is odd, and an SS officer also realizes the deception when Hicox gives the wrong three fingered order for whiskies( he does the boy soucts hour thing lll < kinda like that). A firefight breaks out, followed by a Mexican standoff, in which everyone in the tavern is killed except Hammersmark who is wounded in her leg. oh i forgot to mention that only 2 of the basterds are with Hammersmark at the bar along with Hicox so all is not lost.

FINAL CHAPTER (yay) Landa reveals himself to be a turncoat. He attempts to reach a deal with Raine's commanding officer which works, Shosanna plan to kill all the Nazis goes off with out a hitch, all the bastards but 2 of them die in the fire along with all the nazis

the end

to cap the whole movie off in a couple of words, pulp fiction meets clerks

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Inglourious Basterds sigh

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